I’ve been thinking about the elections. Apparently, if the news analysis is correct, despite the hope and progressive change the country voted for in 2008, what we want now is something completely different. Apparently we didn’t like Obama, or are highly disappointed and feel that 2 years is more than enough time to undo the clusterfuck that was the 8-year Bush administration. Regardless, now it’s all about small government and no taxes. It’s all about the constitution but with a hefty dose of nostalgia for the Articles of Confederation.

As a feminist with a uterus, I’m also concerned about how all this will play out for my reproductive rights. Abortion didn’t come up very much during the elections (Sharron Angle’s statement that even in cases of rape and incest, leave it up to God, notwithstanding). Depending on how the Tea Partiers define their libertarianism, it’s difficult to say whether they’ll extend their no government ideals to a woman’s bodily autonomy, or if that will become a special exception. Maybe we can keep government in control of national defense and a woman’s body. We’ll have to wait and see.

In the interest of being proactive though, I’m thinking about taking a page from my new Congress and looking into this small business mantra they keep talking about. Apparently they’re big supporters, and if they get their way, I might not even have to pay any taxes. From my internet research I’ve discovered there are two ways to become a legitimate small business: corporation and LLC, or limited liability. Of course, there are pros and cons.  According to Standard Legal Law Library:

“Both the limited liability company and the corporation offer their owners similar protections and advantages. Both provide owners with protection from liability. Many view the limited liability company as a more flexible business structure while others view the structured nature of a corporation as a benefit.

Limited Liability Company
A limited liability company (called an “LLC”) is a legal entity that, in the eyes of the law, exists separate and apart from its owners. The owners of the LLC are called “members” (as compared to a corporation, where the owners are referred to as “shareholders”).

Corporations
A for-profit corporation is a business structure formed by filing articles or incorporation (or similarly named documents) with the appropriate state agency (again, usually the secretary of state). A corporation is recognized as being separate and apart from its owners. (The owners are called “shareholders”.) As a separate entity, it has its own rights, privileges, and liabilities apart from the individuals who form it.”

Incorporate what, you may ask? Why, my uterus of course! I mean, if the social conservatives have their way there could be a serious roll back of reproductive rights, leaving women to once again be valued largely for our ability to get and stay pregnant. But if I incorporate my uterus, then it will become part of one of the most popular Republican talking points, and therefore worthy of protection from the needy, greedy hands of a nanny state (irony anyone?).  Just like Obamacare, let’s keep government out of this. This being my uterus, the small business enterprise.

I think I’ll go the LLC route. I’m not really into recording minutes or holding annual meetings. Of course, I won’t be able to issue stock, and if I decide to make my uterus public at a later date, I’ll have to switch to the corporate structure, but for now I feel like limited liability is the best way to go. With either the corporation or the LLC it’s made clear that my uterus is indeed separate from the rest of my body and being, which is how it’s viewed by conservatives anyway, so either route will make perfect sense to them. The LLC, however, provides for more flexibility in management, which is appealing to my whorey, fast and free lifestyle. And frankly, I’d rather not refer to sexual partners as shareholders.

Perhaps you’re wondering what my uterus does. Well, it’s a regular user of birth control, and from time to time tests their effectiveness. It remains wholly possible, however, that one day my uterus will in fact, become pregnant. At this time, the usual options will present themselves: abortion, or carry to term and either give the child up for adoption or parent. Of course, my uterus won’t necessarily care about the post-utero aspects. I believe that, in the case of an abortion, the LLC will come in especially handy, since there will be no need for a shareholder meeting to make that decision, which is clearly a time-sensitive one. At this point I should be able to simply abort (downsize?) and any liability will be incurred solely against the aforementioned uterus.

How will my uterus generate income? Well, it could certainly start a blog, maybe even a Youtube channel. It could charge admission, charge by the hour, offer tours, try for a book deal. The merchandising possibilities are endless. I Heart Guts already has a plush uterus (which I totally co-opted and decorated for the picture above), but that doesn’t mean I couldn’t create my own version. Maybe my uterus will take a world tour, start a travel blog and give the roaming gnome a run for his money. Obviously there are reality show possibilities. I’ll start small though, stick with local business, and most importantly of all, get those securities that come with being a Uterus, LLC: autonomy and the respect of even the smallest of governments.